Since I recently decided to create my YouTube channel and website people have been asking me what makes me so qualified to speak about sex and relationships. Why am I someone that other people should turn to for advice? Well, in an attempt to shut up some of the people that have been asking that question I'm creating this video/blog. Let me start by saying, I have never claimed to be a counselor OR a doctor. Let me also state for the record that I'm not a “SEXPERT” but I know a thing or two. You don't have to be an expert at having sex to be an expert on the subject matter. A baseball commentator knows everything there is to know about baseball but they may not be able to throw a fastball or hit home run to save their life. Likewise, you don't need to have sex with hundreds of women to know a lot about sex and relationships. Although, some sexperience definitely helps in this case. I'm also trying to be funny and sarcastic so a lot of what I say shouldn't be taken seriously. Also, if you don't like what I have to say, there's a really simple solution: Close whatever fucking window on your computer that you happen to be viewing my website on. It's not rocket science, people. But by all means, if any information I have given out is incorrect, send me a message and I will do my best to correct it.

        No matter what anyone tells you, believe me, trying to sleep with someone can be summed up in one word- MANIPULATION. Men manipulate women and women manipulate men. If you're shaking your head in disagreement with me, prepare to feel like an ass.

        Manipulation holds no gender bias. If you don't believe me ask any female that has ever gone out of her way to show a little extra skin, her tramp-stamp or her new tongue piercing, just to get out of a speeding ticket. If you ask her about it and she lies and you actually believe her, it means that you are a schmuck and she is a master of her craft. Don't feel bad; I'm a schmuck too. All men are schmucks. Men are victims of the situation- the situation being that when we see a tramp-stamp we think of doggy style, and when we see a girl with her tongue pierced we think of a blow job. It's sad but it's true.

        Women are excellent at exploiting man's most common vulnerabilities and weaknesses. And our biggest weakness happens to be our penises because that's who men take all of their orders from. Why else would men name their dicks? We like being on a first-name-basis with the one doing all of our thinking for us. Believe it or not, when you see a man do whatever his wife or girlfriend tells him to do, he's not listening to her. Nope. He's listening to Professor Wang. At that moment Professor Wang is telling him to do whatever it takes to continue to be granted access to her biological love nest.

        Technically he's acting on behalf of the dopamine that is being released in his brain. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that is most commonly associated with the feelings of reward and pleasure. Because sex is pleasurable men are basically pandering to what their brain is  instructing them to do, kind of like a robot.

        Females also naturally learn about manipulation at a much younger age than men. That's why there are women that don't have a job or a husband to support them; yet they can still afford to drive brand new sports cars and wear shoes that cost $200. For example, when you're young and a girl wants an ice cream and doesn't want to spend any money, all she has to do is bat her eyelashes at you and agree to let you hold her hand at school the next day. The only difference is when you're an adult her eyelashes turn into her breasts; the ice cream is a new sports car; and instead of holding her hand, you now get to grab hold of her pigtails while she finishes you off.

        Of course, men are just as guilty as women when it comes to manipulation. More specifically, I like to use the word vindictive when describing men. Honestly, the guys who are masters of manipulation use guilt as their weapon of choice. They mask it by using honesty. So, women are none-the-wiser and it allows the men to appear as though they are the good guys.

        If you're shaking your head at me in disagreement or disbelief, allow me to prove it to you. Women are not used to honesty. So when they are shown sincerity and honesty after being lied to consistently in the past their emotional walls of protection are immediately weakened. The span of weeks or months that it used to take to establish trust is no longer a variable. Now she is willing to shed her calloused protective layers and let you in. She is letting you enter the deepest parts of her soul, her being, her heart; but most importantly, she is letting you enter her vagina.

        If you thought I was being insensitive before you're in for a rude awakening. It doesn't matter what kind of honesty you present to women. All that matters is that she knows you're being honest. Honesty equals trust. Even if your honesty is blatant she will still respect you. And by respect you, I mean let you bury her face in a pillow while you tie her hands behind her back and enjoy beautiful, doggy-style passion.

        When you approach women with 100% sincerity it causes her walls and her panties to come down at almost the exact same time. Women claim they want honesty until the honest is something that they didn't want to hear. That's when the honesty quickly turns into manipulation. When you finally say something that's both the truth and difficult for them to hear they make the mistake of lashing out at you. In a nut shell- she is yelling and screaming at you for telling her the truth, rather than just telling her what she wanted to hear. That completely goes against what she initially requested of you. This unknowingly forces her into hypocrisy by making her out to be a liar.

        Women then infer their own guilt and are filled with a deep sense of remorse and look for any way they can to make amends for their actions. The most common way they find to relieve themselves of their guilt and regain the respect of their men is usually either through a blowjob or some other deviant sex act that the male predicates and the female complies with. Depending on her self-worth, and the level of guilt she accepts, she might even enthusiastically insist on you allowing her to please you erotically. How do you think half of the guys out there are able to get anal from their women for the first time? Alcohol and guilt are the dynamic duo of anal access.

        The irony, of course, is that the “respect” females are trying to regain is nothing of the kind. What women are trying to regain in this situation is the leverage they formerly possessed and reluctantly lost. They want it back immediately. They don't like giving you the only ace-in-the-hole that they're carrying. Every time a woman opens herself up to new and different ways for a man to exploit her she also gains more leverage over him than she had before. Because of the primitive nature in men and our need to assert ourselves as sexual champions over women we're too stupid to realize we're not really in control. All we are doing is giving women more power because we want to continue the gross, deviant, sexual expressions of our primitive mentality. However, if I'm also getting her to swallow my jizz, who gives a shit? I fail to understand how that's a bad thing. Then again, that could be because I'm one of the mentally primitive creatures that I previously mentioned.

        All right, first of all, no one falls in love at first sight. That’s just ridiculous. In fact, the expression “falling in love at first sight” is probably the biggest misconception to ever be socially accepted as a term of endearment. To make the outrageous claim that you fell in love at first sight is wrong for more than one reason. Love is measured as an equation; a state of being that is quantified by the sharing of life experiences over a span of time allowing intimacy to develop and strengthen. In order to achieve these life experiences, the length of time in which a couple develops their romantic bonding has to be substantial. Otherwise you wouldn’t be able to say things like:

“Do you remember the time we took that cruise to the Bahamas, and we made love non-stop?”

“Remember when our daughter was born, and when you held her for the first time you told me you never needed anything else in life, as long as you had us?”

“I’ll never forget the day you agreed to be my wife. I’ve never been so sure about anything in my entire life.”

        Without the months and years that your relationship survived you would have never been able to say any of that. That doesn’t mean that you have to be with someone for several months or years. Every situation and every individual is subject to “knowing when you know.” Love is a noun, a word used to accurately explain a state of being. It’s also a verb when it’s being used as an act of enthusiastic pleasure or in reference to the physical act of sex. You know, “making love”, but that’s irrelevant right now. Because love is based on the subjective aspect of perception, it is based on problematic inconsistencies such as the degree and rate at which one person can become psychologically close to another, allowing intimacy to occur.

If someone has been scarred by a previous relationship they may come off as more than a bitter asshole or an uptight, psycho bitch. If their experience caused enough emotional damage they can go into a recluse state of hiding, watching the Bridget Jones movies, and ordering food and requesting that it be left on the doorstep, in order to avoid any human contact. It doesn’t take a psychologist to explain why someone mentally fucked-up beyond all repair is not going to “fall in love” as quickly as someone that has never been in a serious relationship.

        The other reason falling in love at first sight is a misconception is because it implies that your entire reason for loving the other person is based on their physical attractiveness. There’s no other way of rationalizing it. When a man tells a woman that he fell in love with her at first sight, he is stating that he is totally superficial and doesn’t care about any part of her that he can’t stare at. It means he is not interested in her thoughts on politics and education. He doesn’t care about her hobbies, interests, and sexuality; or how she feels about things like abortion, disciplining children, or religion.

        Ladies, if a man pays you this compliment he is declaring that he is openly shallow and you are nothing more than eye candy on his arm. Why bother with the flattery? Why not just walk up and say, “Hi. I feel compelled to inform you that my penis appears to be drawn to you more than ugly women. If you’re interested I’d like to walk around with you for a while and awkwardly stare at you. It doesn’t require you to speak; your speaking would actually nullify our relationship. So if you are genuinely interested in my offer you should avoid doing so if at all possible.”

        Now then, do you still like the concept of love at first sight after reading this?

    It’s the drug that everyone gets hooked on as soon as they experience it for the first time. It’s controversial. It’s debatable. It’s called the orgasm. Women have real ones and fake ones. Men just have real ones because if they don’t get off it’s pretty obvious. If “Female Orgasm Detection 101” was a college class it would be the one college class every man would take. If you’re the unlucky adult female that has not had the chance to experience how awesome it is when it’s caused by another person rather than your own stimulation, my heart goes out to you.

    If you’re a man wondering if your lady has actually been achieving her orgasm when she says she is there are a few easy ways to tell. Usually, orgasms in women are characterized by the female looking like she’s getting the electric chair. If you’re fortunate enough to be in the posterior (doggy style) position you can spot her orgasm from a mile away, especially if she’s using a vibrator at the same time. When most women orgasm while in this position they have an acute case of restless leg syndrome. That shit's pretty awesome to watch.

    The other sure-fire indicator that your woman was able to release her sexual tension is observed immediately after she climaxes, during what is known as the refractory period. The refractory period is different for men and women. Women either become so sensitive that if you touch them they’ll break your arm, or they crave sex even more than previously. For men, it’s the period right after we finish, when we lie back, completely depleted of all stress and anxiety. This care free feeling is brought on by the release of oxytocin and endorphins. You feel like you just smoked about a pound of weed. When men are enjoying this period we don’t care if there’s an asteroid the size of Tennessee headed straight for us. All we would say when we found out is, “Yeah, it’s whatever. I’m sure we’ll be all right.”

    During the refractory period men openly discuss personal thoughts that they ordinarily would not, without as much as a second thought. That’s good and bad. It’s good because it allows intimacy to develop by sharing intricate details and life experiences with each other. It’s bad because the man doesn’t always know what he’s saying when he says it. The next day he’s lost and confused and trying to figure out, at what point exactly, he decided it was a good idea to tell the chick he just started dating about the time he got caught masturbating by his best friend, when he was 13.

    A lot of women can only handle vaginal intercourse after they have their first orgasm because their nipples and clitoris are overly-sensitive. That means, if you really want to know if she’s faking it or if you really are the sexual god that she just finished moaning and screaming about, all you have to do is barely touch her nipples or her clit. The reason women can continue having vaginal intercourse after their orgasm is because there are actually very few sensory nerve endings inside the vagina. The clitoris, on the other hand, comes equipped with 8,000 sensory nerve endings.

    So the next time you wonder if your woman faked it when she got off, if her leg wasn't twitching, and she let you touch her nipples, yes she faked it.... 

            For any man that has ever lost his confidence in the bedroom due to a flaccid and floppy member, Pfizer heard your cries. For any man that has ever cried himself to sleep at night because his flag suddenly stopped flying mid-coitus, Pfizer heard your cry. And in 1998 they released Viagra to the market. The days of men being forced to come up with excuses for why they were unable to satisfy their females' ravenous penis cravings are long over. 

            What makes this magical medicine so fantastic? It's called sildenafil citrate. Believe it or not, Viagra wasn't created to turn Mr. Floppy into Mr. Stiffy. It was actually designed to treat a medical condition known as pulmonary arterial hypertension (PAH). PAH is a chronic blood pressure disease that can, in severe cases lead to heart failure. That's what makes Viagra such an ironic medication- it's original purpose was to help patients with heart problems. The majority of men that obtain a prescription for Viagra are generally older and already have heart problems anyway. But if you've ever seen an advertisement for Viagra (or any of the numerous dick prescriptions) you know there's a reason they tell you to talk to your doctor first.

            If you happen to be at an advanced age and you don't suffer from heart problems but you do suffer from erectile dysfunction (ED), chances are, you're going to have heart problems after using the medication. Not only does the magic blue pill cause your “master of ceremonies” to stand at attention for prolonged periods, it also typically leads to long periods of gratuitous sex. To a male at an advanced age, sex stops being fun after 30-45 minutes and becomes a cardiovascular workout. When you couple that with the fact that the poor old man's heart is already racing from the pill, the result is a recipe for a heart attack by itself. Hell, depending on who is doing all of the work during sex, that could be a good workout for me too. I mean, fuck, don't get me wrong, it's a fun workout.

            One of the main causes of erectile dysfunction is a loss in sexual appetite, which leads to a loss of confidence and finally, the loss of a boner. What man in his right mind wouldn't want to be at his best performance? Every man out there dreams of having his sexual partner bragging to her friends behind his back about their sex lives. It's like a sudden rebirth of a man's early adult years. All of a sudden (thanks to this miracle cure) a man is dynamite in bed again, satisfying his lady, or multiple ladies, if he happens to still be playing the field at 65 years old. In today's world the vast variety of cock-stimulating concoctions have paved the way for men everywhere. In a way, Pfizer plowed the road so that men could plow their women.

            Even if you're a woman you should be able to understand how emasculating it has to be for a man when he has to distract you with shadow puppets to draw attention away from his flaccid Frankfurter. Remember that, ladies. If he ever suddenly has the urge to watch The Notebook (although he had refused every time before) he's trying to draw attention away from his shortcoming. No man wants to face that. They definitely don't want to admit it to their woman. 

            The initial stages of the loss of confidence because of a soft male organ are almost always coupled with other emotional and mental problems. The obvious ones are most likely heightened anxiety, especially when the male knows that he will be having sex and doesn't want to perform poorly. This anxiety can be much worse with younger men experiencing ED because younger men feel they are solely responsible for the problem and do not have the luxury of passing the blame on to aspects such as old age. Just like the longing for a girlfriend or wife to brag about a man's sexual prowess, the thoughts of his lady discussing his lack of performance in the bedroom can almost cause erectile dysfunction by itself. Even if the woman isn't talking about him behind his back, the sheer doubt alone is enough to cause a man's anxiety levels to spike. 

            That situation is the same for both genders, by the way. The general feeling of not knowing is one of the worst feelings in the world. Whenever doubt is in reference to intimate details between a man and woman the situation is worsened. In the end, what once began as a simple bad experience on one night can turn into a tragic sex life, a complete loss of intimacy and painful feelings of disconnection with one another. That's one of the reasons it's so important to be comfortable with whoever you happen to be banging at the time, and intimacy helps reduce the anxiety and increase comfort between partners. One final note, if you're thinking of taking any form of a male erection pill you should know that the reason they tell you to seek medical attention after four hours is because after four hours permanent damage to your penis can occur, resulting in the inability to function. Couple that with the fact the way in which they get rid of your erection is by sticking a needle into the vein in your dick and draining all of the blood out. Just food for thought. 

Who came up with that “The fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” crap? I think anyone that believes that has most likely never had sex, or even masturbated for that matter. The fastest way to a man’s heart is not through his stomach; it’s through his penis, and it is usually manifested through the keen manipulation of one or more of the female orifices. Technically speaking, the fastest way to a man’s heart is through the third rib, below the manubrium, on the left side of the chest. But that’s not what we’re talking about. We’re talking about the metaphorical heart, which for a man is his penis.

Filling a man’s stomach with delicious food will only make him fat, lazy, and sluggish; neither of which are appealing to the typical female. I’m sure he’ll keep coming back to you, but it won’t be for love. It will be for a tasty four-course meal; like a pit stop while he pulls out his phone and tries to arrange a booty call with someone else later that night. Ladies, if you don’t want to end up suffering that kind of fate, I’m inclined to inform you to not waste your time with food. Ask any man which they would prefer, food or sex, and I guarantee that men won’t hesitate to tell you their favorite meal is vagina, with a side of ass and titties.

There’s a fun idea. If you’re noticing your man is starting to put too much weight on and you don’t have the heart to talk to him about it, all you have to do is take your clothes off and climb on top of him every time he says he’s hungry. He’ll drop a hundred pounds in a month. What’s even more fun is when a woman strips down naked and lets the man bend her over the kitchen counter to fuck her brains out. It’s amazing. He totally forgets that he went into the kitchen to get something to eat the minute a hot, naked ass is bent over the counter. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? When she has her head looking back at you while she’s biting her lower lip. After he’s finished, he won’t even remember that he’s hungry, let alone why he went in the kitchen. If you really want to kill two birds with one stone you can surprise him by hopping up on the counter, leaning back, wrapping your legs around his head, and letting him go down on you. That way, you’re both happy. He gets something to eat, and you get…. Well, you get eaten. Now that’s what I like to call “grabbing a snack from the kitchen.” 

This marks a big moment for me "The Penis Behind All the Genius" as it is the first blog I have ever posted. You can read new posts on this blog via the RSS feed.

I wrote every man's fantasy for my fiance back when I first met her. I jokingly declared this poem "THE GREATEST LOVE POEM EVER WRITTEN" when I posted it as my first video on YouTube under my ThePenisGenius channel. I hope it inspires others to not only share in the love but also learn to laugh just as I did. And so I give to the world.... Every Man's Fantasy

It’s strange to me I must admit

You were unlike any I’ve known in the past

You confided in me how much you love dick

And told me to spank your ass

I spoke poetry to you and you spoke of porn

At first I was lost and confused

You pointed to handcuffs and said to be warned

I didn’t know I was about to be abused

I asked you about your life’s ambitions

And you said, “Two girls and one guy”

I asked if you enjoyed music or fishing

“Not as much as giving head”, you replied

You were not like the others that much was clear

You could strip to any song or beat

I had never met a girl who could look so sincere

While jacking me off with her feet

The truth is obvious, when you touch my cock

It’s so clear that a blind man could see

I pant like a dog and get hard as a rock

Because you’re every man’s fantasy